Inspiration
by Jinx
Summary: Alt Universe fic. Lydecker took Max from Manticore as a child. Max/Logan romance
1. Default Chapter

Disclaimer: None of the characters are mine, they all belong to Cameron etc.

Authors Note 1: This is an alternate universe story about the relationship between Max and Lydecker, based on what Lydecker said to Max in AJBAC. This is also a Max/Logan romance. This is a continuing story but in WARNING it will get pretty dark. I am also going with this is what Lydecker meant by "inspired by".

A.N 2: I had to remove this story so I have rewritten parts and am reposting it chapter by chapter depending on reviews, so if you want more, just review!

"Sometimes I wish I could take you away from all this, somewhere they couldn't do anything to you." - Lydecker-AJBAC

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INSPIRATION

Chapter 1 - Her Eyes

The halls were silent in the secret government facility. Lydecker looked around as he headed towards the infirmary. Max was in there. The last bout of experiments had resulted in a servere seizure which had left her in a semi comatose state, fighting a dangerously high fever. Lydecker hesitated outside of the double doors and shook his head feeling frustration and desperation fill his chest. _What if she dies?_ Max was all he had left of Antonia, his wife. Whenever he looked into her dark eyes he saw the woman whom he loved so deeply that he had almost destroyed himself after her death. _She'll survive, _Lydecker reassured himself. _I made her that way, she's almost perfect. No one is going to kill her like Antonia, she's too strong, I made sure of it._ Still the worry persisted. Yielding to his need to see the young girl, Lydecker pushed open the doors and strode into the infirmary, trying to act like this was something he always did when one of his kids was in here. The nurse on duty looked up in surprise at his appearance and opened her mouth to say something. Lydecker cut her off. "Go and get some coffee Nurse Harper. I'm going to be here for a while."

"But X5452 is supposed to be -"

"I'm aware of her condition. If any changes occur I will notify you immediately." Lydecker paused waiting. The nurse still hesitated at leaving the room. Lydecker sighed silently and curtly ordered her. "Your dismissed!" His military tone was as effective as it was infamous and the woman reacted instantly spinning and exiting the sterile room. Lydecker gave her a few moments to make sure she had really left before turning his attention back to the girl lying on the narrow hospital bed.

His breath caught. _Max._ She lay so still, only the slight rise and fall of her small chest indicated any life at all. An oxygen tube ran through her nose and her hand was immobilised by the intravenous needle feeding her medicine and fluids. A slight sheen of sweat covered her forehead and her shaved head heightened the fragile appearance of the little girl. Lydecker closed his eyes momentarily at the pain seeing her like this summoned.

Breathing deeply Lydecker reached for the cloth that lay beside a small stainless steel basin of water. Rinsing it he wiped the perspiration gently from Max's face. Concentrating fully on his task he couldn't help but notice the shape of her softly rounded face, the arch of her dark eyebrows and the thick lashes that contrasted sharply with the sickly pallor of her skin. So like Antonia and yet so different for beneath the physical similarities this was a girl that had been born and bred to kill. Lydecker's hand shook slightly at the thought and rare emotion surged forward. Not the comforting anger or even the familiar pain. But guilt. Guilt for what he had done to the girl that was genetically his wife's daughter. This was the first time he had admitted to himself who Max was. Even when he had made arrangements for the ova to be extracted from his dying wife's body and had donated it to the Manticore project he had refused to acknowledge the enormity of what he was doing or what it would mean who this girl was to him. At the time he had been incapable of thinking beyond keeping what little part of Antonia alive that he could. Antonia who had been raped, beaten and finally stabbed. Lydecker had found her on the floor of their home, bleeding, her body broken and near death. He couldn't let go of her, refused to let her slip away. Despite what the doctors told him, of brain damage and internal injuries he had insisted that she be kept on life support, suffering for months before accepting the inevitable. 

Now though he had Max. Her daughter, despite all of the manipulation and crossings her DNA had been through before she was even born. And he could see his dead wife in her, see those eyes again that he had thought he had lost forever. Lydecker sank into the chair beside Max's bed and rested his face in his hands. 

The tests, the training, the pain… and now this. How much more she could take he knew was probably a lot. After all she was the second in command of X5, bested only by Zack, a fact that he was proud of. But how much more he could take? Seeing her put through what he did. _It's making her stronger!_ His military mind argued with his heart. _She needs this, for her own good!_ Up until now he had been able to hide his attachment to Max, just as he had been able to alter the name of her biological mother. He had to, for no other reason than what that bitch Renfro would do if she found out what Max meant to him. But the X5s were starting to show fundamental flaws. The seizures had already killed 2 of his kids and the other day he had been forced to shoot Eva, for attempting to escape. That had hurt so much. He loved all of his kids and now everything was falling apart. There were even sounds being made in the committee, after the small rebellion, about terminating the X5s and starting over with a new group. If so much money hadn't already been invested in them, Lydecker had no doubt that this would have already have happened.

The X5s were the best success Manticore had had thus far and this was what was saving them, but if these seizures proved incurable and their independence couldn't be quashed he was unsure if even the millions they had cost would be enough to prevent termination. Thus far he stopped the reprogramming, suggested by the neuropsych division, unwilling to let Max be subjected to more pain. His authority though was being constantly challenged by Renfro and he knew she was making powerful allies within the committee. _What a fucking mess._ He thought.

But Lydecker's solider mentality was strong and he closed his heart to the pain and guilt, pulling forward his twisted strength in the face of atrocities, like he had so many times before. _I will not be weak! I will not allow the good of Manticore be compromised by my personal attachment to Ma - X5452! _"X5452" He repeated out loud resolutely, trying to distance himself from the girl. _She is nothing to me._ He told himself, _just a passing similarity! a reminder of a dead past! _Lydecker stood abruptly, accidentally knocking over the basin which clattered noisily to the tiled floor, and he stopped dead.

Max's eyes were open. They were so large and dark that for a moment Lydecker felt he was being swallowed by them. There was no expression there, simply a blankness of acceptance for what and where she was. Except for that small light in the corner of all the darkness, that called to Lydecker more than the superficial similarity to his wife's colouring. She stared at him and he could not move away, like he had planned. Her gaze was so steady and even as her mouth remained silent he heard her voice.

"Its alright, Max." He whispered hoarsely. "Your going to be alright…everything will be alright." And in the light of her dark stare he turned and walked out of the room.

TBC.


	2. Escape

Disclaimer: All characters thus far are not mine and belong to Cameron etc. 

Authors Note: Review!

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INSPIRATION

Chapter 2 - Escape

The sirens were screeching, loud and disturbing. Lydecker floored the accelerator as he drove away from the Manticore compound. Max was lying unconscious, wrapped in standard army blankets in the back seat. Lydecker's heart beat fast with the adrenaline of a battle. He had killed 4 soldiers in taking Max from Manticore. It had been so long since he had been in combat he had forgotten the rush of taking anothers life. In that moment he had forgotten it all. Antonia's death, Max's life…It all vanished in the complete power over another's fate.

Now though as he raced the jeep through the wooded area which hid Manticore from unsuspecting eyes he again remembered the reason for all of this. Max. The small child who could kill more effectively than any solider. She was still weak from the seizures and experiments but Lydecker had known that while she was still in the infirmary was the best opportunity he would have to take her. 

The moment Max was pronounced out of danger he had set his plan into motion. It had been simple, he had used his access to walk right out with Max in his arms, pretending that she was being transferred to another wing of the building. It would have worked with no deaths, if not for that Renfro woman. She had instructed all guards to notify her about all movements of the X5s that occurred without the standard 24 hour notice. Lydecker hadn't even reached the outer perimeter fence before Renfro had sounded the alarm. Shooting his way past those soldiers that stood in his way, Lydecker had got to his armoured jeep and smashed straight through the fencing.

He pondered his next move. Get to a secure location. They would expect him to head straight for getting over the state line, so the best thing he could do is find somewhere to lay low. Lydecker had brought an old cabin in the middle of nowhere for precisely this type of scenario. It hadn't been hard to use one of his back up identifies and bank accounts to purchase the land and building without any paper trails leading back to him. _Get there, make sure Max is stable and then I can plan my next move._ Lydecker hadn't had time to plan his actions beyond escaping Manticore's immediate grasp. It was unfortunate that Max was so identifiable, with her shave head and barcode. Other wise he might have risked a more populated area, on the hope of disappearing in the city. However right now hiding out was the best thing to do, especially with Max being so weak. The cabin was fully stocked and he had purchased some clothing suitable for Max to disguise her a boy, at least until her hair grew long enough to hide her barcode.

Despite what he had told Max in the infirmary, Lydecker may not have gone through with this plan, except Renfro had been promoted above him and had gotten support for the reprogramming of the X5s. The reprogramming would have consisted of risky brain surgery, similar to a lobotomy that would have ensured the X5s obedience and loyalty. The statistics predicted a success rate of approx. 75% meaning that out of the 27 surviving of the original 30, they would lose around 7 or 8 of them. Lydecker was unwilling to take that risk or be the one responsible for extinguishing the light in Max's eyes. He almost wished he could have taken them all with him, but that was impossible. Max though, Max was special. She belonged to him, he may not be her father but he had created her, caused her to come into being, a perfect version of the woman he had loved more than life. 

A small sound interrupted Lydecker's train of thoughts. He turned to see Max coming around, her small hand fluttering free from the constraints of the heavy blankets. "Max?" He spoke quietly, wondering how she would react to the situation. Ever since he had shot Eva he had seen something close to hate in her eyes. If she decided to he knew she could easily kill him, although not in her weakened state. Hopefully he could make her understand the situation before she recovered fully. Max moaned and tossed her head. Her eyes opened slowly and he could see the confusion in her face as she took in her surroundings.

"Its alright Max." He tried to reassure her as she fixed her eyes on his face that turned every now and then from the road to look at her. He took a deep breath, "At ease solider" he instructed her, she relaxed with the familiar command in an unfamiliar situation. Lydecker sighed as he found himself at a loss for how to relate to the child outside of the constraints of Manticore. She knew nothing else and neither did he. Yet they were together and he needed her in order to feel alive again, just as she needed him to survive in the world that knew nothing of her kind. Max was looking at him expectantly, waiting for him to explain there whereabouts but too well trained to speak out of turn. "You will be debriefed later 452. Until then rest." 

Max nodded once in acknowledgement. "Yes Sir!" She closed her eyes and relaxed her muscles as she attempted to return to sleep. Lydecker knew that even if she couldn't achieve it she would remain in this state until otherwise ordered. He was uneasy as to what to tell her. Once she found out about his taking her out of Manticore, away from her siblings, what would she do? Max had always been slightly unpredictable in her behaviour. Although in general she followed orders, there had been times when she had inexplicably ignored or downright gone against instructions. Sometimes influencing the others to emulate her disobedience, even Zack who always followed orders occasionally yielded to Max's will, such as in the case of the red balloon.

They were close, sometimes Lydecker thought they were too close. All of the X5s seemed to band together against any norms or even the X4s, the only other surviving X group. It was like they knew they were different and any one else could never understand or care for them the way they did each other. _How can I control her?_ He thought. Lydecker hadn't taken her simply to prevent Manticore from hurting her. He wanted Max with him, he wanted to protect her and when he was with her it was like he couldn't see her enough to satisfy himself. The truth would never do. He knew she feared him as they all did but after sometime outside Max might decide to kill him for what he did to Eva and the others, including herself. She would want to go back for her siblings and take them out of Manticore too. Then she would be recaptured of killed. He had to change her mind set, while she was still weak and susceptible to his authority. He had to make her think she needed him as much as he needed her.

Removing one hand from the steering wheel, Lydecker tiredly rubbed his hand over his face. It was so complicated, he had to do this though, he wasn't prepared to lose her. She was all he lived for.

It was a long drive to where he was going, especially since he was taking a rather convoluted route. Just a precaution in case they were followed. He pulled up to the cabin, tired from the long drive. Switching the engine off, he looked back at the girl lying in the blanket cocoon. "Max?" He spoke quietly but he knew she was awake from the slight tenseness in her muscles since the car had stopped.

She opened her eyes and looked straight ahead fixing on some invisible point in the distance. "Yes sir?" She asked in an emotionless voice. Lydecker clenched his jaw.

"We're here. We're going to stay at this cabin for a while until - well for a while. Understood?"

"Yes sir." The expected reply came promptly as Max disengaged from the blankets and started to climb out of the car. Lydecker followed suit but stopped as he saw Max waver unsteadily on her feet, her thin legs wobbling beneath the infirmary gown she still wore. Lydecker quickly stepped forward and caught her in his arms. Max's eyes widened with surprise and a small amount of fear as he lifted her against his chest. Lydecker pursed his lips and avoided her steady brown gaze. He didn't explain himself as he carried her up to the front door, balancing her carefully as he unlocked the door and entered the cabin.

Once inside Lydecker placed Max on the soft couch while Max stared around her. Her eyes were large with curiosity as she took in the comfortable surroundings. Plush cushions scattered around the sofa and deep overstuffed armchairs, decorated in bright warm colours dominated the room, matching the rugs covering the polished hardwood floors. Lydecker switched on a lamp, unlike the X5s he couldn't see in the dark and saw Max's expression. _Of course she's never been outside the Manticore compound before, or seen a normal home._ Lydecker thought. He sat down in a chair and looked at her, wondering what to do now. He had never had to deal with the day to day care of any of his kids before and was unsure as to what to do. "Are you hungry?" he asked remembering the X5s high metabolism.

Max nodded hesitatingly, unsure of just about everything right now. Lydecker got up and walked to the kitchen. He quickly fixed a sandwich from the plentiful supplies in the larder. Returning he placed the plate on the coffee table in front of her. Max stared at him for a moment not moving. "Permission to eat sir?" 

Lydecker sighed again. "Eat." He ordered. Without waiting anymore Max instantly started to eat the sandwich rapidly. Soon the food was gone and Max once again looked at Lydecker for orders. Lydecker meanwhile had dozed off, tired by the nights of planning and the frantic events of the escape. 

Max realised he was asleep and rose to her feet, wanting to explore the place she found herself in. _Where are the others? Maybe their in these other rooms._ Max went forward unsteadily checking the rest of the cabin. She found nothing and disappointed she went outside. The night sky and the trees were the only familiar thing in the environment, she had no idea where she was or why. Zack had been planning on escaping to outside. _This must be outside. _But why was she here and where were her brothers and sisters. Just then the front door jerked open and Lydecker ran out onto the porch, cursing under his breath. He stopped when he saw Max simply standing there and breathed deeply in relief. "Max."

Max stared at him, distrust shadowing her eyes, she disregarded protocol. Something was wrong here, this was not a Manticore thing as she had originally thought. "Where am I?" She demanded, keeping the fear and uncertainty from her voice. Lydecker sat himself down on the wooden steps and templed his fingers together knowing that everything depended on this conversation.

"I need to explain something to you Max." He started. "You know that all of you have started suffering from seizures. This combined with your previous escape attempt has led to the committee deciding to terminate the X5s." Max's eyes were cast in horror at this information and Lydecker hurried to continue. "I couldn't save you all, so I took you away from Manticore, so I can keep you safe from them." Lydecker swallowed hard from his lies. "Your brothers and sisters are already dead Max. But I'm going to protect you, they cant hurt you anymore." He waited, his tenseness showing on his features. Max remained silent caught in the grief over the news that her siblings were dead. _Oh Zack! Johndy! Tinga!_ The names rushed through her consciousness as the pain gripped her heart.

"Max?" Lydecker's voice tore Max away from her cloud of grief. She turned on him and leapt forward as fast as her slowed reflexes would allow. She struck him across the face, even in her weakened state packing quite a punch. Lydecker was momentarily stunned but recovered quickly pinning her arms to her side and pushing her against the dirt ground. "Max!" he yelled. There was no recognition of her name as she continued to struggle. "X5452!" He tried again, penetrating her mind with her official identification. Max stilled and stared up at Lydecker with undisguised hatred.

"You killed them." She stated venomously. Lydecker understood Max was having a hard time differentiating between himself and Manticore.

"No!" He said emphatically giving her small shoulders a hard shake. "Not me - Them! Do you understand Max I tried to save you all, but I couldn't, only you!" Tears were staining Max's cheeks as she cried without realising it. Her world had just fallen apart and everything she knew had changed.

Lydecker released her and sat back as she pulled herself into a sitting position. "I'm sorry Max. I really am." Max tried to pull her emotions in check. Her siblings were dead but she was still alive and Lydecker was before her.

"You killed Eva." She said, asking him in her own way why she shouldn't kill him.

Lydecker nodded, looking straight at her. "I did. There wasn't a choice but you need me Max, you think there is any one else in this world that understands what you are? That can protect you from Manticore? For don't think that they wont hunt you down for the rest of your life! You need me Max. Now we can work together or you could kill me and take your chances on your own, but I'm warning you now Max that you wont get very far. Your weak and you are still suffering from your seizures. We can survive together Max." He said intensely, holding her warm brown eyes with his own stone grey ones. He stood and offered her his hand to help Max up from the ground. He knew it all came down to this. 

Max hesitated a moment more before accepting his large rough hand. Lydecker pulled her up and offered her what passed as a strained smile. She was so tired and was alone in a world she didn't understand, her only family dead. Lydecker was all that she had left. Silently the strange pair walked back into the cabin and shut the door.

TBC.


	3. This Life

Disclaimer: None of them are mine. Their all Cameron's etc.

Authors Note: Review please.

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INSPIRATION

Chapter 3 - This Life

2019; Seattle.

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Another city, another crummy motel. Max thought. She tossed her black duffel bag on the couch of the small living room, ignoring Lydecker who followed. She moved to explore the bed room and bathroom, habitually checking that they were secure. _Damn military training._ Even if Max had wanted to, Lydecker had refused to let Max slack in her training. 

Lydecker watched Max moving around the dingy room with her feline grace. It had been hard for her to adjust to his presence so firmly in her life. Sometimes when he caught her staring at him with eyes full of hate, he wondered why he was still alive, why she hadn't killed him. 19 years old now, the time for her needing him to survive physically in this world had passed. He knew though, when she screamed in her sleep for her brothers and sisters, he knew why. He was the only one she had that knew what she was and loved her regardless. He was all she had, no matter how much she hated him for killing Eva or leaving the others, she needed him in some undefined emotional way. It had taken time to worm his way into her consciousness, it had helped to keep up her military training and mentality, a way to control her through her past habits. The rules cemented in childhood were always the hardest to break. Whether she liked it or not a part of Max would always be a solider and Lydecker would always be her commanding officer.

A slight smile tried to pass Lydecker's lips but it was twisted from the darkness that still lurked in his heart. Max had grown into a beautiful woman. He had been assured by the doctors at Manticore that all of his kids would be physically perfect but Max had surpassed his expectations. He could still see Antonia in her from certain angles. There was no doubt that she was her mothers daughter but Max had developed an exotic beauty all of her own. _My dark angel._ Lydecker mused. Perfection born from hell itself. On the rare occasions when Max slept, Lydecker would watch her sleep, admire unashamedly her features relaxed into a childish innocence that had never existed.

Max came back out of the bedroom looking mildly disgusted. "Didn't they have any thing with two bedrooms?" She asked. Lydecker scowled at her.

"No." He said abruptly. Truth was he hadn't asked. Max stared hard at him, suspicion clear in her shadowed eyes but she let it go. Since she had come to understand the concept of privacy she had always insisted wherever possible to get her own space. Right now she ran a hand through her unruly black locks which fell haphazardly around her creamy oval face. Max's figure had developed at quite a young age and was the cause of almost as many admiring looks from men as her delicatly boned face. A part of Lydecker hated that she had grown up. It had been so much simpler to love her as a child. 

Despite the heats she suffered, as far as Lydecker knew she remained a virgin. Since he had full knowledge of the predicted effects of her feline DNA he had noticed her symptoms as soon as they had presented themselves, not long after her first menstrual cycle. Lydecker had handcuffed Max to the bed of the apartment they had been staying in at the time. At that time she had still been hardly out of childhood and he had easily ignored her confused unconscious overtures, he wasn't a paedophile after all. Since she had grown up though it had become increasingly difficult. The pure energy and sexuality that poured from her form called to him as though he was also in heat. Only the knowledge that Max would kill him instantly after returning to her senses had always prevented him from taking her like he wanted to. There was nothing he could do about the love he felt for her, despite the fact he knew it would never be reciprocated. He couldn't help it anymore than he had been able to help falling in love with Antonia.

Max was the perfect version of the woman he loved and he would never endanger losing her presence in his life by telling her his feeling, just as he would never tell her the truth that her siblings still lived. It had taken many years for him to subtly imprint the certainty of their deaths but it was necessary to make sure she thought he was all she had. Lydecker was disgusted with himself for desiring her after all of the years he had spent telling himself he was practically her stepfather. Not in the normal sense of the word, but still…

After the first time he had explained to Max what had happened to her and suggested that he be responsible for preventing her from taking the actions her body demanded at the time. With little choice Max had reluctantly agreed to his proposal. Since then Lydecker had been vigilant in tracking her cycles and would keep within reach of her during the period when the heat would most likely occur. Despite his efforts though sometimes it was hard to predict when her heat would come. Last year Lydecker had found Max half naked in the arms of handsome man in his early 20s in the deserted pool room at the back of a bar. That had been in Southern California. The young man had been found the next day suffering a broken neck, he was left a quadriplegic, unknown to Max.

Max wondered what Lydecker thought of when he stared at her that way. It made her uncomfortable like he could see through her and know what she was feeling. She wished she was strong enough to kill him or even to simply leave. Sneak away in the middle of the night when he was sleeping soundly. One time she had even gone so far as to pack her things and get as far as the city limits before turning back. If even one of her siblings had remained alive she would have left, with just the thin hope of finding them. But they were dead, they were all dead.

Max remembered the story of how they had died as if she had actually witnessed the horror. Lydecker had told her the tale for years, night after night like a bedtime story. The massacre, the screams, the blood, until she saw it clearly in her own mind. Zack trying to protect Johndy from the hail of bullets with his own body, Krit's bloody hand flailing in the air as he fell back with the force of the shots - his chest torn open, Brin screaming in pain as the bullets penetrated her flesh. A horrific death for each of her brothers and sisters. Max was more thankful than even Lydecker suspected that she had little need for sleep, for when she did all she saw was the brutal execution of those she had loved more than she did her freedom.

However much Max hated Lydecker for killing Eva and for what he had put them through as children, the training, the experiments, he had saved her from the fate her siblings had suffered. For that he lived as much as for the reason that he was all she had, the only person that could care for her honestly with the full knowledge of what she was. It was weak but she needed that, needed to be loved in whatever form, even if it was only by a murderer.

How many times had Lydecker told her that no one else would understand what she was. That they would fear her and turn her over to Manticore. On their travels through America, Max had made some friends and had on occasion tried to tell them what she was. They always got this look on their face, this revulsion in their eyes that made her laugh off what she had said as a joke. This as much as the other convinced her that Lydecker was right, she was fundamentally unlovable. Now her fear of being completely alone in the world equalled her fear of being taken back to Manticore. Better be dead than chained in the basement with the Nomlies, as Lydecker had promised her would happen. Better be with Lydecker than alone in a world that would hate and fear her if they knew the truth.

Max didn't know where Lydecker got his money from which enabled them not to have to hold down a job. He never seemed short and she suspected he had been making money for years from illegal arms sales before their escape from Manticore. Hating to have to ask him for money or even take the cash he offered her, calling it an allowance, Max had fallen into the habit of cat burglary. She had never told Lydecker but the man wasn't stupid and mealy told her to be discreet. He figured she had to use her skills in some form other than the training he still insisted on or she would be constantly overdosed on backed up adrenaline.

Lydecker was tired from the long journey of the last few days. Manticore had been closing in on them in San Francisco and they had had to leave quickly. It was wearying being on the run all the time and they had remained there longer than was prudent and had nearly paid the price. Max seemed to thrive on the lifestyle with her boundless energy. It was the only life outside of Manticore she knew. Only her seizures seemed to subdue her and cause her to slow down. The best treatment he could find for her was Tryptophan which seemed to control the worst of the convulsions.

"We should rest." He rasped at Max, heading into the bedroom where twin beds waited.

"Not tired." Max responded looking out the window and the light lit night sky. She missed the motor cycle she had stolen in San Francisco. Riding that bike around made her forget everything else. Lydecker hesitated in the doorframe of the bedroom. He half turned and spoke resignedly.

"Try and keep a low profile. We don't need any extra attention with Manticore so close on our tail."

Max didn't bother looking at Lydecker as she grabbed her leather jacket and headed out.

"Sure, whatever."

TBC.


End file.
